Action

I almost forgot to share a part of my trip.  On my way home from the conference I met a neurologist.  He's single, and we talked for an hour and a half, then exchanged contact information.  And when we said goodbye, he gave me a kiss!

A few more details will change the story.  He's divorced, at least 70, and he sat next to me on the plane, so there was no escaping the conversation.  Which was quite interesting.  And the kiss was a grandfatherly peck on the cheek.  It sounds so much better though to just say "I met a single doctor and he kissed me."

Awkward Questions

You all know the ones - for singles the most common one is "why are you still single?"  (although people often try to phrase it in a 'nice' way, like "you're such a great girl, why hasn't some man snapped you up yet?")  For married people, there are ones like "when are you going to have kids?", or "when are you going to stop having kids?", or "when are your kids going to start behaving better?"

I heard a new one this weekend at a single adult conference.  The sad part is, the questioner was only recently married herself, so she should have been fully aware of the awkwardness of her question.  The funny part was, none of the participants in the conversation seemed to find it awkward (maybe this is a sign that I'm a little bit odd, but I'm not admitting to anything).  The newly married woman was talking to a man and a woman who were obviously dating, and she asked them, "so, are you guys going to get engaged soon?"  Seriously?  Who asks that?  I mean, maybe your parents, but a new or casual acquaintance?  Didn't she realize that is a very personal, and possibly dangerous question? 

What if the answer was no, we're actually going to break up at the end of the night?  Or what if one of them answered yes and the other one answered no?  What if they'd never talked about it, or thought about it?  I'm sure her question was a motivator in some way.  Maybe they talked about it after she walked away and were engaged by the end of the conference. Or maybe they talked about it and broke up by the end of the conference.  If I had been one of the couple, it might have motivated me to say something rude to her, along the lines of "mind your own business".   Which is probably about as polite as my standard answer to "why are you still single?"  If I knew the answer to that question, I wouldn't still be single, would I?

As a side note, I enjoyed the conference, (thanks for going with me CJ).  Of all the people I met, only two or three asked me what I do for work, and only one of those was visibly intimidated by my job.  The two most memorable moments were getting very seriously hit on, in part because I don't wear much makeup (good thing I've managed to resist all of my mother's efforts to get me to 'at least wear some lipstick'), and hiking with some other single ladies over 35 on Cougar Mountain.  That's right, cougars on Cougar Mountain.  Sadly, there was no prey in sight.  The only single males we saw were under the age of 12, well below the age cut off for a cougar companion.

Accessorizing

I recently read a very interesting article in the Globe and Mail about women "not dating", but instead having a "gaggle" of male friends, one for every occasion.  It made me laugh, and think that perhaps Mormons are ahead of the trend, as we've apparently been "hanging out" for years without dating. (See Elder Oaks' fantastic CES broadcast from May 2005, as condensed in the June 2006 Ensign, where he talks about dating versus hanging out)

According to the article, you can have a gaggle of men and still have a boyfriend.  That's fabulous news - I'd get right on it, if I had any idea where (or how) to pick up a gaggle.  But truthfully, I do have a gaggle of one (can it really be a gaggle if there's only one member? I think he'd just be a goose, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate being called a goose.)  DD, thanks for being a great non-date.

Brain Freeze

I have discovered another benefit to not being single - increased mental activity, or a broader scope of awareness and understanding.  I live alone (DB, I know, you're thinking, 'it's your own fault for moving away'), mostly work alone, do some solitary sporting activities, often vacation alone.  As you might imagine, that results in a whole lot of talking to myself.  As you might also imagine, that gets pretty boring after a while.  I'm an OK conversationalist when I have someone to work with and feed off of - when I'm just talking to myself, the conversations can get pretty repetitive and simple.  Even when Me, Myself and I have the occasional debate or even heated discussion, I can pretty much tell who's going to win, so there's no suspense.

But having someone else to talk to, ahhhh, that's refreshing.  New ideas, fresh points of view - it can be very invigorating.  Like tonight.  All my blog thoughts are on serious subjects.  Unfortunately, I don't want to be serious right now, I'd rather laugh.  And so I am soliciting your humorous thoughts - please share a joke, a funny story, a non sequitur.  I look forward to hearing from you and laughing with you (or if not exactly with you, at least laughing at the same things).

Comfort Food

I've done a few posts about why I'm still single.  It's not something I think about on any sort of regular basis, but it's not a topic I can completely ignore.  It's kind of like going back to look in the fridge, hoping that some new, tempting food will suddenly appear, even though you haven't gone shopping since you last looked in the fridge.  I think maybe I subconsciously hope that someday I will figure out "the" reason, the easy fix that I can take care of today and tomorrow I'll get married.

But consciously, I know that is completely unrealistic.  Especially given my most recent thought on why I'm still single, and I give credit to DB for facilitating this thought.  I am still single because it is the life I know.  It is easy for me to be single.  I can do it all by myself, I'm extremely competent at it, I know exactly how my life as a single person works, and I'm very comfortable with it.  Possibly too comfortable.

On the other hand, I have no idea how life as a married person works.  At least how it would work for me.  Sure, I've watched my parents and my siblings and my friends, all sorts of married couples, and I can see, at least at a surface level, how their marriages work, or don't work, as the case may be.  But I've never been there.  I don't know what I will be like as a married person, how I will handle living with a man.  While I've had and enjoyed long term roommate relationships and friendships, everybody knows that men are Different.  which means living with one will be Different, and completely unknown.  And sadly,  I have a fear of the unknown.

But then I read the scriptures.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart ... (Proverbs 3:5)
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: (1 John 4:18)

If I can trust God with everything else in my life, I have to trust him in this as well, trust that the unknown will be good, will be worth all of the hard work involved, and will lead to the desired result of an eternal family.

One is not the loneliest number

Sitting in church a while ago, I was looking around at all of the other single women in the congregation.  It hit me that there are a number of women in my ward who are only single at church, meaning they have a husband at home who chooses not to join them at church, whether he's a member or not.  That got me to thinking, would I rather be single, or married to someone who didn't support me in my beliefs?  What would it be like to attend church and be uplifted and strengthened by the Holy Ghost, and go home to someone who hasn't had that?  What would it be like if I was growing closer to God and my husband wasn't?  How does that impact your ability to grow together as a family?

And what about the sisters who come to church with their spouses, but are still practically speaking alone?  you can attend the same church without actually supporting each other.  you can make a show of supporting your spouse at church, then completely change once you leave the building.

Combine these thoughts with a couple of conversations with women who are now in happy second marriages following a less than positive first marriage.  Both of these women advised that it is better to be single than to be married to the wrong man.  I dated a guy once who was definitely a wrong man for me.  I'm sure he'll be great for someone, but even though he had many wonderful characteristics, our life plans and expectations were far too different, and I knew that if we ever got married, I would spend more time alone than I did as a single person, whether it be physically or emotionally.  Which is not what I am looking for in a husband.

And so I continue to be patient, preferring to be happily single than unhappily married. 

Nobody's perfect

Here's a (bad) shot of a card I got recently. (note the modesty towel to cover what his low rise underwear didn't) 

The punch line of the card is " with his mommy.  So close."  There's always something.  But it doesn't have to be a roadblock.  I mean really, maybe Trent is living with his mommy because she's sick and he's taking care of her.  He looks like the compassionate, helpful type, doesn't he?  Or maybe she can't afford the rent on her own and he's helping her out.  Just look for the positive.