I've done a few posts about why I'm still single. It's not something I think about on any sort of regular basis, but it's not a topic I can completely ignore. It's kind of like going back to look in the fridge, hoping that some new, tempting food will suddenly appear, even though you haven't gone shopping since you last looked in the fridge. I think maybe I subconsciously hope that someday I will figure out "the" reason, the easy fix that I can take care of today and tomorrow I'll get married.
But consciously, I know that is completely unrealistic. Especially given my most recent thought on why I'm still single, and I give credit to DB for facilitating this thought. I am still single because it is the life I know. It is easy for me to be single. I can do it all by myself, I'm extremely competent at it, I know exactly how my life as a single person works, and I'm very comfortable with it. Possibly too comfortable.
On the other hand, I have no idea how life as a married person works. At least how it would work for me. Sure, I've watched my parents and my siblings and my friends, all sorts of married couples, and I can see, at least at a surface level, how their marriages work, or don't work, as the case may be. But I've never been there. I don't know what I will be like as a married person, how I will handle living with a man. While I've had and enjoyed long term roommate relationships and friendships, everybody knows that men are Different. which means living with one will be Different, and completely unknown. And sadly, I have a fear of the unknown.
But then I read the scriptures.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart ... (Proverbs 3:5)
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: (1 John 4:18)
If I can trust God with everything else in my life, I have to trust him in this as well, trust that the unknown will be good, will be worth all of the hard work involved, and will lead to the desired result of an eternal family.
