Last weekend I took myself to an outlet mall to shop for clothes, this weekend I attended a single adult conference to "shop for men". You'd think that my weekend of clothes shopping might prep me for a weekend of man shopping. Although the two forms of shopping are based on some of the same basic principles, man shopping requires some skills you just can't develop while shopping for clothes.
When I go outlet shopping, I generally have a list of what I'm looking for. Kind of like The List, it contains very broad terms - work clothes that don't require ironing or dry cleaning, shoes that look good but don't hurt my feet - I don't decide specific details until I've had a chance to check out what's available. Once I've found something that fits the basic criteria, I get to try it on and see how it looks. Because there are no outlet malls close to where I live, when I go outlet shopping, I'm not planning on doing any returns. This no-return principle also applies to man shopping.
Just like there are all shapes, sizes and styles of clothes, there are all shapes, sizes and styles of men. When shopping for clothes, you find a style you like, go through until you find a size you think you will fit, then take it to the dressing room and try it on. If it fits and makes you look good, you buy it. This theory is readily transferable to man shopping, since most of us are looking for a man who makes us look good, or in other words, brings out the best in us. But unlike at a clothing store, you can't just sort through a stack of men, find a few you like, and take them to the dressing room (i.e., go on a date) to check for fit.
After you've sorted through the men, the wonderful principle of agency that allows you to pick the ones you like also prevents you from simply putting them in a cart and taking them to the dressing room. Instead, you have to make them want to go to the dressing room with you. So how do you do this? Once we get past the initial "look hot, but not so hot he thinks you're too good for him", I think we can fall back on some basic missionary tools. After you have built a relationship of trust, then you need to help him feel and recognize the attraction, then follow up. Once you've done this (using Brother Barton's three steps of Animation, Closeness and Touch helps), then in theory the man in question will choose to go to the dressing room with you, and you can decide whether or not to make the final purchase, or return him to the stack and try on another one. Just beware that, while you're man shopping, he's also woman shopping, which can complicate your attempts to BRT.
DB really likes that you put build a relationship of trust first in the shopping list. As someone who has a goal to go on an annual date(and sometimes doesn't meet it). When I do actually date someone more than once and on the first, second or third date they express "great" affection or admiration for me, I find that very hard to accept without the foundation of trust to build that on. AND frankly I have failed every time and run away from the potential relationship after that. What to learn from that . . .
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