Why I need to get married

Or, the worst little home reno project ever.

So, a few months ago I realized that my bathroom shower was leaking and needed to be recaulked.  Since I have another shower, there was no hurry for me to get around to it, but I finally tried it. 

Step 1: buy caulking - pretty simple, I knew from watching my dad what kind to get.
Step 2: open caulking - little more difficult, ended up with a lovely gash in my hand from cutting the top off the tube.
Step 3: get caulking out of tube - I thought it could be done without a caulking gun, I was wrong.
Step 4: buy caulking gun - found one at the second store I tried.
Step 5: install caulking tube in caulking gun - even without any instructions on the tube or the gun, I figured this one out.
Return to Step 4: get caulking out of tube - in theory, it should be easier now that I have a caulking gun. But either I'm an idiot, or I have bought myself the world's worst caulking gun.  Instead of coming out of the tip of the tube, the caulking is coming out the butt end, and is now getting all over the caulking gun.  No matter how hard I try, I can't get the caulking to come out of the top.  So, being the resourceful person I am, I move on to Step 6 anyway.
Step 6: - apply caulking to shower - since the caulking I can access is in a big lump at the wrong end of the tube, I get some on my finger to rub it where it needs to go.  I've seen my dad use his finger to smooth caulking before, so it should be fine.  And it is, except my finger is bigger than the space where the caulking needs to go, so it looks pretty bad.  Frustrated, i return to step 5.
Step 5: get caulking out of tube - in desperation, I break off the entire top of the tube.  The caulking now comes out of the top, but instead of being lumpy from the bottom, now it's lumpy from the top, which is still no help in getting the caulking in the right amount on the right spot.
Take a break before going back to Step 6 to try Step 7: - try to get caulking off finger.  Note to all - water doesn't do much to get rid of waterproof caulking.  Thankfully, I had some paint remover that did the trick.
Back to Step 6.  I got a bit smarter this time, and put a plastic bag over my hand this time.
Final result: caulking gun and caulking tube in the garbage, base of shower covered in caulking and looking extremely messy.  But I did manage to avoid getting any on the floor.  Now I just have to wait to see whether it will be effective in keeping the shower from leaking.

What does this have to do with needing a husband?  If I had one, he could have applied the caulking for me.  Or he could have told me what a decent caulking gun looks like, or at the very least, he could have stopped me as soon as he saw the mess I was making and made me call someone who could do it right.  Or better yet, he would have had me call someone before I got started on the whole mess.  But then I wouldn't have learned that not all caulking guns are created equal.