I am more than my job

I've been to various singles conferences before, and most of them have had some sort of speed dating activity.  Which, in a slightly twisted way, brings some of the most entertaining moments of the conference.  When you only have a few minutes to get to know someone, most people start with the basic questions, one of which is "what do you do for work?"  The majority of my speed dating experiences have ended rather abruptly, with the guy sitting stupefied on his chair, at a loss once he hears that I'm well educated and have a professional job.    I find this phenomenon very interesting - obviously it is not a universal reaction, since I've dated men who didn't care about my job, many of whom did not have professional jobs.

So what is it about a woman with a professional job that men find so disconcerting?  Steve Harvey, in his book "Straight Talk, no chaser: How to find, keep and understand a man" (yes, I've been doing research), says that men are not intimidated by women with good careers.  Given my speed dating experiences, I was sceptical of this statement at first, but as I continued to read, what he said made sense.   According to Steve, men are looking for women who need them.  While we don't have to need men for everything, if we appear not to need them for anything, they will not be interested in us.  And somehow men seem to translate 'stable professional woman' into 'woman who doesn't need me'. 

A logical conclusion?  Perhaps.  But one often reached much to quickly.  Especially in speed dating - when you've only talked for two minutes how can you tell whether someone has needs?  And let's be realistic.  God put people on the earth - not one person, but people.  We all need someone for something, even if it's just to get something down from the top shelf (although realistically we need people for much more than that).

Steve's statement helped me make sense of an earlier experience, where I was having dinner with three single women, all in good stable jobs, and the brother of one of the women.  He made a comment that has stuck with me, something along the lines of "no wonder you girls are not married - you don't need anyone."  At the time I thought his comment was silly.  Of course we had learned to do things ourselves; as a single person, whether male or female, you learn to do something or you do without.  But being able to do things for yourself doesn't mean you don't need someone.  How often have you wished you had someone to talk over a decision with?  How often have you wanted someone to be there when you get home, or someone to come home to you?  Someone to cook dinner for? (Cooking for one seems like such a waste.)  Someone to hold your hand, tell you they love you, tell you when you're being ridiculous, or when you did something well?  And even with physical jobs, there are lots of jobs I put off or avoid completely because I know I can't do it myself, or in some cases just don't want to. (Which is why, when my dad came to visit me recently, I had a nice list of household handyman tasks for him to do - thanks dad!) 

So that raises the question; how do you express your neediness?  Right there you have a bit of a problem - who wants to appear "needy"?  I certainly don't want a needy companion, and I don't want to be one.  So the goal is to somehow express that having a specific man would make my life easier and better.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to do that at the getting to know you phase of a relationship, which is when it is apparently required in order to ensure that the relationship progresses to the next stage.  Apparently more research is required.  Maybe I should finish Steve's book.  Or ask my friend's brother.