The List

When I was 13, my Sunday School teacher invited us to make a list of the things we were looking for in a future spouse. I don't remember the lesson that led to us making the list, but it must have been a pretty good one, since some of the things I really wanted, like wavy brown hair and farsightedness to counteract my own nearsightedness, didn't make the list.  Here's what did make the cut:

·         Smart – well educated

·         Funny

·         Spiritual – strong in the church

·         Tall

·         Athletic

·         Has hair

·         Slightly feminist

·         Not above sharing the housework

·         Ambitious

·         Good with kids

·         Good taste

·         Nice voice

·         Likes to travel

·         Enjoys helping others

·         Likes to ski

As I look back over the years since I wrote it, I can definitely say that I’ve never dated anyone with all of the qualities on the list.  Yet somehow all the guys I've dated have still been decent human beings, and I've had enjoyable relationships with them.

Of course, as I’ve matured and clarified my priorities, some of the things I’m looking for have changed, and some of the things have dropped off, both from the written and the unwritten list.  And the older I get, the more males I meet, the shorter my list gets.  Right now, it looks like this:

·         Living

·         Male

·         Single

·         Good personal hygiene

·         Gainfully employed/employable

·         Faith in Christ

You may have noticed that it's much shorter than the original list.  In large part this is because the purpose of the list has changed.  Now, instead of setting out qualities I want in a future spouse, it sets out qualities I'm looking for in a date.  And as you can see, they're pretty basic.   Now, I definitely still have a long wish list for my future companion, but I’ve learned that I can like and have an enjoyable romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t meet all the criteria on it, and with someone who is quite different from what I used to see as my ideal man.  And really, given the limited number of contestants for Mr. Right, applying the "future spouse" checklist before we even go out to dinner will only limit my opportunities even more, and could prevent me from getting to know someone wonderful.  So I'll start with the basics, and add to the list from the qualities I see as the relationship develops.